I know it's been a long time since I've updated. I have the intent to update many times I just don't ever follow through on it.
So, my life has changed quickly. I'm working full time now and doing stuff that has to do with what I went to school for, so that is definitely a plus.
Also, I have been very happy.
Things are going pretty well.
I don't have many complaints.
I'm feeling very blessed with my boyfriend,
my family,
my job,
just everything.
I do miss Mom a lot and I don't know why but this summer I have had many moments where I want to call her. I think it's because for the first time in a long time things are finally going right for me. Things are going good and I want to tell her about them. I want to tell her when I'm told I do a good job at work. I want to tell her about my new goals I've set for myself.
But I can't.
and that's hard.
I had a breakdown at work about 2 weeks ago I think...Luckily I work with some really nice people and one of my coworkers talked to me and calmed me down.
Then last Tuesday I read this article about Mom's being the best person in your life and I lost it.
My heart still hurts.
Sometimes I feels like I'm losing her all over again.
It feels so new sometimes.
and I feel like I've accepted that she's gone.
I know she's in a better place.
I know she's not hurting.
But I just feel cheated sometimes...
and I feel bad sometimes for being happy and moving on without her.
I still sometimes feel like my life should be in shambles because she is no longer a part of it.
At least not a part of it in the way I want her to be
I read the news and see all of these crappy people who abuse their kids or abuse animals or don't care about people and I think how unfair it is that they are even alive and part of this world while good people like my mom and my friends/family's parents passed away.
I know it's part of life.
I know.
It doesn't help.
Sometimes I will hear a song and it will make me think of Mom and smile.
Other times that same song will break my heart and make me cry because it reminds me of her.
I'm having a pretty good "summer". Although I don't think it's really set in that I'm done with college. I'm used to working through the summers so it kinda feels like that is what I'm doing.
I'm trying to learn how to be a "real" adult.
I get off work (I work 8am-5pm) and I feel like "Oh I've worked today. So I don't have to do any other adult responsibilities except maybe go to the grocery store."
I know most adults do more than just work in a day.
I just need to find a way to create a schedule that I will stick to.
So all in all everything is fine.
All in all I miss Mom every single day of my life.
It hasn't gotten any easier...I've just gotten stronger...but I still have my weak moments where I just have to breakdown and let the sadness consume me for a bit.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
It's a horrible emptiness to feel.
But all in all.
I am doing good.
Things are good.
I am pretty much loving life.
My boyfriend is amazing.
My cats make me happy.
I like my job and my coworkers.
Things are good.
I think I'm coping well.
<3
Thanks for reading.
So, my life has changed quickly. I'm working full time now and doing stuff that has to do with what I went to school for, so that is definitely a plus.
Also, I have been very happy.
Things are going pretty well.
I don't have many complaints.
I'm feeling very blessed with my boyfriend,
my family,
my job,
just everything.
I do miss Mom a lot and I don't know why but this summer I have had many moments where I want to call her. I think it's because for the first time in a long time things are finally going right for me. Things are going good and I want to tell her about them. I want to tell her when I'm told I do a good job at work. I want to tell her about my new goals I've set for myself.
But I can't.
and that's hard.
I had a breakdown at work about 2 weeks ago I think...Luckily I work with some really nice people and one of my coworkers talked to me and calmed me down.
Then last Tuesday I read this article about Mom's being the best person in your life and I lost it.
My heart still hurts.
Sometimes I feels like I'm losing her all over again.
It feels so new sometimes.
and I feel like I've accepted that she's gone.
I know she's in a better place.
I know she's not hurting.
But I just feel cheated sometimes...
and I feel bad sometimes for being happy and moving on without her.
I still sometimes feel like my life should be in shambles because she is no longer a part of it.
At least not a part of it in the way I want her to be
I read the news and see all of these crappy people who abuse their kids or abuse animals or don't care about people and I think how unfair it is that they are even alive and part of this world while good people like my mom and my friends/family's parents passed away.
I know it's part of life.
I know.
It doesn't help.
Sometimes I will hear a song and it will make me think of Mom and smile.
Other times that same song will break my heart and make me cry because it reminds me of her.
I'm having a pretty good "summer". Although I don't think it's really set in that I'm done with college. I'm used to working through the summers so it kinda feels like that is what I'm doing.
I'm trying to learn how to be a "real" adult.
I get off work (I work 8am-5pm) and I feel like "Oh I've worked today. So I don't have to do any other adult responsibilities except maybe go to the grocery store."
I know most adults do more than just work in a day.
I just need to find a way to create a schedule that I will stick to.
So all in all everything is fine.
All in all I miss Mom every single day of my life.
It hasn't gotten any easier...I've just gotten stronger...but I still have my weak moments where I just have to breakdown and let the sadness consume me for a bit.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
It's a horrible emptiness to feel.
But all in all.
I am doing good.
Things are good.
I am pretty much loving life.
My boyfriend is amazing.
My cats make me happy.
I like my job and my coworkers.
Things are good.
I think I'm coping well.
<3
Thanks for reading.
