It's a new year and I'm just posting. 2014 ended well. I have been at my job for just over a year now. I enjoy the work that I do and my coworkers. Things aren't bad. My financial status has changed this month and I have less free money since starting to pay on my student loans, but overall things are good.
I get extremely happy when the semester starts because that means my boyfriend is one step closer to graduating. I love when he succeeds. I love our partnership. I love him very much.
I've been missing my family a lot. Everyone is in different states, as I always say, and it makes it hard sometimes. There is just something about YOUR family. The ones who have grown up with you and have seen you change over the course of time. Those who have seen through your most embarrassing and darkest times and still chose to stick it out with you. I absolutely love my boyfriend's parents and I am very comfortable with them as my own family that I do get to see more frequently. I always emphasize to my boyfriend to enjoy his time with his family. Ever since Mom's passing I am all about the 'family time'. I don't want someone to miss out on a moment with their family that may very well be their last...I know that seems morbid but that's one way death changes your perception of things. I've known people who have died, but they were always people I hadn't spoke in years or weren't all that close with. Mom is the first person that I was so close with that it impacted my life in such a direct sense. I didn't even live with her. But we spoke nearly every single day. I remember her freaking out on Facebook a few years ago because I hadn't arrived at her house yet for Thanksgiving. I was extremely hungover from going out with friends on Washington Ave. the night before and so I was running late. When I woke up I was tagged in an excessive amount of posts asking if anyone had heard from me. I also remember her freaking out after my 25th birthday for the same reason. We partied hard and were hungover and she hadn't heard from me yet. God love her. <3 Which makes me remember the time she asked me if I was a lesbian because my friend Pam and I were so close. She legitimately thought we were dating. Which is hilarious to me because we weren't dating and I am not into girls. So many things about her make me smile. It's so funny how you go from wanting to be nothing like your Mom to being excited when someone gives you a compliment somehow indicating you're like her. It's funny how these things change in your mind. I still know my Mom did a lot of things I would never do and I chalk a lot of that up to being a young parent. There are many things I did differently than he rand am proud of. There are many things that I do just like her that I am proud of. It's so weird being a daughter. It's so weird growing up.
This is the year of weddings. I have so many friends getting married in 2015 that it's crazy. But I am so happy for everyone that is getting married. Which then reminds me that I will get married sometime in the future. And makes me think about wedding planning...which then makes me remember that Mom won't be here for my wedding. and that ALWAYS makes me sad. It just...isn't fair. and she won't be here for my future pregnancy and kids...and all that. It just makes me so sad. These are things I was supposed to have her for. and now what? No one can fill that void I have since she's left. I have people who are close 2nds or who are people that I know will get excited for my successes and share my excitement in the things I do, but it's not the same at all as talking to her. So much to tell her but I just keep it inside and hope that Heaven is real and she's up there watching me from time to time.
