What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

So recently I have been thinking a lot about myself and where I am in life and how I feel.

I was talking to my boyfriend the other night about how I feel.

I explained to him that I feel like I've lost control of my life since Mom passed away.

That I am no longer in control of my emotions or anything around me and I thought that was ridiculous.

I like to be in control of things.

Especially myself.

The only thing I am not really in control of when it comes to myself that I can accept is my stomach condition.

So I decided that night (4 nights ago) that I was no longer going to let things control me.

I will allow myself 1 day a week to cry and breakdown and grieve Mom.

{I} am allowing this to happen.

Because I am in control.

I will not cry unless I permit it.

I will not complain that my emotions are making things hard for me.

I will not complain that losing Mom has made things harder for me.

I run this.

This is my life.

and I am taking the reins back.

and I have to say...

The past 4 days have been great.

I am so much happier.

I am grinding and knocking out school work.

I am working ahead and finishing things before their scheduled due dates.

I am almost caught up with one class I am about 2 weeks behind in.

I met with my advisor to make sure that I can graduate and it's looking highly probable.

So, I filed for graduation yesterday.

I also feel less stressed.

I have 3 exams next week and I'm not even that nervous.

I know I will be prepared.

Because I run this and I will make sure I'm prepared.

I didn't come this far to fail now.

I have younger siblings looking at me and I don't want them to think I can't get through this.

I can.

Just had to tweak my mindset a little bit.

So I am excited.

I am hopeful.

I am driven.

I promised Mom I'd graduate in May and I will.

The last serious promise I ever made her.

I will honor it.

So I hope you enjoyed reading this post.

Also, today is 5 months since Mom passed away.

But I'm not sad.

I miss her terribly.

(How ironic that right now I'm listening to music on my phone and "Go Rest High On That Mountain" just started playing)

But I feel like I'm moving on with my life and she'd want that for me.

She is going to be so proud when I get not just one but two degrees in May.

That is all. <3

Love you all for reading and keep the faith. :)