So a lot of people tell me that Mom will come and visit me in my dreams.
Since she passed away I have only dreamed of her once.
It was in June (I think) and I was visiting her and Grandma's house and when I came into the livingroom she was sitting there, smiling, writing with her colored gel pens, cross-legged on the couch.
She looked happy and healthy and how I remember her growing up before she became disabled.
It was comforting.
Today I decided to sleep in because for once I am actually not severely behind in my schoolwork.
So the cats and I all curled up together after I took my boyfriend to work at 10am and slept until 4pm.
Before I woke up I had been dreaming.
I dreamed that I was at one of my cousin's house for a family BBQ.
I was walking around talking to some of the people that were there and suddenly Mom turned around.
She was STANDING there.
She just looked at me and smiled and opened her arms and I ran into them and we held each other so tightly.
It was so real.
I woke up crying.
It was a very short dream.
But it made me so happy.
I found some comfort in it.
So I am happy to say that I believe Mom visited me in my dream this afternoon.
I have been trying to make real progress moving forward and focusing on my future.
I've been turning off the CD I burned of songs from her funeral.
I've been deleting the songs from her funeral out of my phone.
I've been trying to remove all sad stimuli.
I think she was saying to me that it's okay that I do this and for me to not feel guilty about it.
Because I do a little bit.
But not enough to stop.
I know I'm doing what is best for me and what she would want for me.
So, that is all.
:)
Hi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and wanted to say thank you so much for writing it. I just lost my mom about three months ago; I was 22. Your posts have helped me put a lot of my thoughts and feelings into words, and I am so grateful for that. I hope you are doing well. I am so glad your mom visited you in your dream, and hope mine might, too! I could sure use a hug from her today. Thank you again--keep writing, and know your honesty is comforting a lot of people.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI have to say that your comment made me so happy. Sometimes I really wonder if many people read my blog (besides family) and it really made me happy to know it is actually helping someone. It's really hard and I totally feel for you. Just keep hoping and thinking of your Mom. She will come to you when you REALLY need it. There will be many times you think you really need her and want it to happen and it won't but when it does happen, it will be in a moment that brings you great comfort. Thank you for reading. <3
Thank you so much Jessica for sharing this. I lost my mother nine months ago she was only 44 and I was 23 at the time. I know their are people all over the world going throuth this but it sure dose help me to see it in words. I feel for you and I am sorry you had too go through this. My mom was my best friend and I find my self trying to call her just to here her voice. I miss her more and more everyday. I am trying to find ways to move on and reading your blog has helped me alot. Thank you and I hope you continue to blog.
ReplyDeleteKristy, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad my blog is helping you and I know I can't really say anything that will ease the pain of your loss. I hope you have a good support system and people you can turn to when you're hurting and missing her. <3 My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you I really do have a good support system. It is still hard for me to use them, I feel like all Im doing is saying the same thing over and over. I know they dont mind and wante me to come to them but it is still hard. I hope all is well with you and know that it's ok to feel the way you do. I know it will be hard with the holiday, last thanksgiving was the first one I had spend with my mom in a very long time and this year I cant do that. Keep blogging because I know theirs a few of us listing and were here for you.
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