I'm just sad today.
I really miss Mom.
I want to talk to her.
I try to call my Dad and he's so hard to get up with so we rarely talk on the phone.
I told him after mom passed away I was going to need him to be more available via the phone.
I understand his job has weird hours and stuff.
I just wish he'd answer when I called.
Tomorrow 10/3 - Will be 6 months from the last day I ever heard Mom's voice and 10/20 will be 6 months that she has been gone.
:(
I just don't even have words right now.
I've been really busy with school and classes and exams (all last week) that I haven't really felt or experienced much in regards to her lately.
Dates always bring those feelings.
I always remember significant dates.
If really significant I also remember times.
So those of you who read and saw my last two posts and think I'm all happy and chipper.
This is not the case.
My moods and feelings change day to day.
Today is not a good day.
I deal with a constant struggle of having to put on a happy face so I don't get a million "Are you okay?" 's
Because really I'm not okay and then I'm going to just be as blunt as possible and be like "No. My mom is dead. How do you think I am?"
Then people don't know what to say and I look like I'm being rude, but c'mon.
It's the truth.
It's what I really want to say.
So,
no pretty pictures.
No lyrics.
No quotes.
Sorry.
Hey Jessica--just wanted to say I'm still reading and this post was so relevant for me. There are so many people in my life I wish would be more present, more available. I know they have other priorities, but it's not easy. Sometimes (all the time?) you just need someone who's *there* and can deal with your "I'm not okay"s. I read once, and think it's so sadly true, that grief lasts longer than sympathy.
ReplyDeleteI hope today is a better day for you. Just know you're not alone and there are tons of people (myself included!) who have an idea where you're coming from, know what it's like to wear a happy face over a broken heart, and are here if you ever need anything.