Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now...

As my previous post stated,

I remember dates really well.

I can remember what I was doing on this day 6 months ago.

It was the day after Mom's initial coiling surgery, which failed because she had another aneurysm rupture as she was coming out of surgery.

That Thursday they said she probably wouldn't live past 48 hours.

I was in her room with her that Friday because it was her birthday.

I remember being in there playing her music from my phone.

She would sometimes open her eyes and attempt to look around.

She'd move her legs and arms.

They kept saying how good of a thing it was that she was doing those things because it meant she had better chances of making it.

I just knew she was going to make it.


(photo taken at the hospital of me holding Mom's hand)

I hate not having her here.

So many times I feel lost.

So many times I go to call her and then realize I can't talk to her.

With it being October I have been reflecting on last year.
Thanksgiving will be approaching soon and since I've moved back to Texas Thanksgiving has been OUR holiday.
Her, my grandma, my little brother, my uncle and me.
Now my brother is in another state with his Dad and Mom is gone...and I just don't know what to do with myself.
I don't have a lot of designated holidays in my life that I know where I'm going to be and who I'm going to be with.
It's one of the problems of your family being in so many locations.

Last year was a surprise Thanksgiving for her.
I had talked to my sister about coming to Texas from Alabama with my nephew and we kept it a secret from my Mom.
I started planning this in September of last year.
My mom spent nearly the entire month of October and November at her best friend's house and I so scared she wasn't going to be home for Thanksgiving that I kept telling her "You're going to miss out." if she wasn't home.
But she was home and I remember watching her from the porch as we pulled up and my sister getting out of the car with my nephew in her arms.
I watched Mom.
I could see her face.
The shock.
The excitement.
The happiness.
The love.
I was so happy.
I was so happy that we could bring her that happiness.
It was a great Thanksgiving.

I guess all in all I am very glad we were able to give her something like in her last few months.
I miss her so much.
I feel so sad thinking about this year's Thanksgiving.

So yeah...6 months ago today was my mom's birthday and she was in the hospital fighting for her life and I was right there beside her, cheering her on, trying to keep her with us.