2013: A Reflection

So everyone typically starts making new years resolutions at this point.

I've never really been one for those.

I always have the same typically resolutions:

1. lose weight

2. eat better

3. dedicate more time to school

4. do more good in the world

I don't even really care this year. 

I'm actually ready for 2013 to end.

It started off good. I was trying to lose weight and dropped about 15 lbs.

Only to have everything happen with Mom shortly after that.

April seemed like the longest month ever.

The rest of the year flew by.

I spent the entire month of May crying and grieving hard.

June was pretty much the same but I at least made it out of the house and I helped coach that little girl in a pageant which brought some happiness to my life.

July was hard because I was taking 3 classes in a summer session.

I remember taking exams with tears in my eyes just because I would cry randomly all the time but I couldn't risk failing my exams because of my emotions.

So I pushed through it.

I remember my boyfriend standing behind me, rubbing my shoulders, calming me down to get though the exam.

He's been so great.

So then August came and I passed all of my classes, earning my first 3.5 at my college.

Completing my first semester of school without my Mom.

Couldn't tell her of my success.

August was the start of a hard semester, taking 21 hours of classes.
Somehow though, I passed everything.
It wasn't without a lot of hard work and a lot of tears.
It wasn't without wanting to give up and quit.
It wasn't without me feeling like nothing mattered anymore because Mom wasn't here.
But I did it.
I have a will to push on.
I promised Mom I'd graduate and that is the last promise I ever made her before she died and I'm going to do it.

A lot of great things happened to me.
I went to the career fair in October to look for an internship and not only was picked among many applicants, I have a paid internship and will have a job after I graduate.
I thought my financial situation would keep me from finishing my last year of school but amazing things have happened there as well.
God has certainly been blessing me in many ways.
It just sucks the hard loss I had to take last year.

I anticipate April to be a hard month for me as it is the month of mom's birthday and death day.
Nearly every day in April I can remember being with her at the hospital in Austin up to the day of her death.
It's also the last month before graduation...with dead week being the last week of the month.
But I'll make it through it.
I know I will.
:)