Thanksgiving 2013

My first big holiday without Mom and specifically our holiday we always shared together.

I stayed the night with one of my close cousins the night before Thanksgiving. 

Me, my boyfriend, him, his girlfriend and one of their friends all played drinking games and hungout. 

It was fun.

The next morning we were going to spend Thanksgiving with some extended family on my Mom's side.

I had a cute little outfit picked out and I was getting ready I thought about Mom.

She used to wear these high socks and scrunch them down.

She also had a lot of cute flat boots.

She would get all festive for her job where she waited tables when I was younger.

So she'd wear a festive Christmas sweater and some big wreath earrings and stuff.

With each article of clothing I put on I felt like I was probably looking very much like her.

Headband with a bow.

Giant sparkly earrings.

Sequin sweater.

Leggings.

Black flat boots.

As I was in the bathroom fixing my hair I felt this lightness around me.

It was a random change I felt in the air around me.

It was weird.

I was thinking "You're dressing like your Mom you weirdo."
and then I had this thought "You're the new Gina."
and then this feeling came over me "and that's okay."
It was like that thought came from somewhere else.
Like Mom was whispering to me telling me it was okay.
That people look at me and see her and it comforts them. 

I could just be weird and overly hopeful....

My mind could be playing tricks on me with me being so sad knowing she wasn't going to be around this Thanksgiving.

I'm not sure.

I just know what I felt.

After that we went to my boyfriend's parents and we all saw a movie together.
On the drive over there my thoughts took a turn for the worst and I had to force myself to feel numb and keep everything inside so I wouldn't ruin everyone else's day with my emotions.

My boyfriend knew what I was feeling and he tried really hard to be comforting.

There wasn't really anything that could be done.

Just get through the day.

I did.

It wasn't a bad Thanksgiving.

But it wasn't anything like I wanted it to be.

It didn't feel right.

Even if I couldn't be with Mom I was with no one in my immediate family.

My sister is in Alabama.

My brother is in Wyoming.

My Dad and Grandma are in Florida.

My other Grandma hurt her back and couldn't drive to our family's where the dinner was at.

So I was just there watching all of these other people with their kids and their mom's and their grandma's and their grandpa's...and it sucked.

A lot of times I feel like Mom was my connection to everything and everyone and that without her I'm not connected anymore...

Just sucks.

That's all.

I figured some of my readers may be looking to see how I felt on Thanksgiving so I better do an update.

Anyway,

This week starts dead week and then finals week and then I start my internship.

So I am going to be pretty busy and don't know if y'all will see an update from me.

That's all.