"Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality." - Emily Dickinson

Fathers, be good to your daughters | Daughters will love like you do | Girls become lovers who turn into mothers | So mothers, be good to your daughters too

I just noticed how much the summer semester took my mind off Mom.

A lot.

Now that I'm 'done' I find myself missing her more and more again. Like I did in May and June.

Not that I didn't miss her in July.

I would have breakdowns when I just couldn't work past my emotions anymore.

It's like water dripping into a glass, eventually, over time, that glass will become full and overflow.

I'd have breakdowns when my glass was overflowing.

So anyway, I am supposed to start working on completing 1 more class before the Fall.
I am set to take the final on the 21st.

I don't want to do that right now.

I feel like I haven't had enough of a break from the end of the Summer semester.

Fall is going to be packed with a lot of school and hopefully I'll have a job too.
I just want to sleep and lay on the couch and watch The Office. (with my cats)

Also lately I've been having a lot of nightmares about bad things happening to my cats.

I think maybe because I get such happiness from them and love them so much that I'm scared of losing them like I lost Mom.

Suddenly.

Without warning.

I think all the time about how lucky I am that we were so close and that we had just talked that day and everything.

It's like someone saying they're going to the store and never coming back.

Just gone before you realized.

Thinking you had your entire lives together.

Thinking about graduation next year.

She'll be there.

Thinking about when I get engaged and start planning my wedding.

She'll be so excited.

Thinking about wedding day.

Mother - Daughter pictures.

I won't get to have this.

Thinking about my first pregnancy.

She'll give me mommy advice.

These things I will never to get share with her being here.

I finished the summer semester with a 3.5 GPA.

I worked really hard too.

I also got a B in the class that I was completing from the Spring semester.

I completed 3 classes in 5 weeks. 

I want to tell her so much.

I want to show her my websites I designed for one of my classes.

It just sucks.

There's no other word for it.

I was going to go visit her grave the other day but didn't because it was so late and I was stuck in Houston traffic for a while.

I also got sad thinking about her grave not having a marker.

I know I should be proud that we even were able to get the money to bury her, but I still feel sad that there is nothing indicating where she is.

I sometimes think of making a nice cross or something but the weather out there would just ruin it.

So I don't.

I wish I could take a trip to visit my sister in Alabama or visit my Dad in Illinois or something.

I'm just sad and feel lonely.

That's all...